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Bytes 6
    HOMAGE TO MY GRANDFATHER

    Two bulls were standing on a hill looking at the beautiful females in the valley. The
    young bull said, "Let's run down there and get one of those females"! The old said,
    said, "Let's walk down there and get all those females". Grandfather's favorite joke.

    My grandfather Ace Caldwell was truly the stuff America is made of. As a business-
    man and entrepreneur (a fancy word for gambler), he lost everything in the "Great
    Depression". With children to feed my grandfather worked as an auctioneer until he
    could get back on his feet financially. One day he was auctioning a farm and could
    not get anyone to bid on a manure spreader. So my grandfather with that quick wit
    of his jumped down in the manure spreader from the stage and yelled out, "What
    will you give me for it loaded"? He sold the used manure spreader for more than a
    new one cost.

    Another story about my grandfather that I just love. He was known for his dapper
    suits throughout the region so he open a custom tailor shop. He hired a Jew from
    NYC as his tailor since they are world renowned for their master craftsmanship. The
    head of the KKK came to my grandfather's house late one night and said, "The Jew
    has got to go". My grandfather told the head of the Klan, "The Jew stays! I need him
    for my business". Than night the Klan burned his business to the ground, and my
    grandfather lost everything. That my friends is a true story about this amazing man.
    And folks wonder where I get my fork tongue, wit and spunk.

    Lantz 2010
BYTES 6 TO BYTES 7
    MR. POTATO HEAD

    Mr. Potato Head walked up to the bar and belted out, "Hey bartender, two shots of
    Jack Daniels". The bartender poured two shots and walked away. Mr. Potato Head
    slammed down one shot, threw the other shot on his left hand and belted out, "Hey
    bartender, two shots of Jack Daniels". The bartender poured two shots and walked
    away. Mr. Potato Head slammed down one shot, threw the other shot on his left
    hand and belted out, "Hey bartender, two shots of Jack Daniels". The bartender
    walked up and asked, "What in the hell are you doing Mr. Potato Head"? Mr. Potato
    Head answered, "I'm trying to get my date drunk".

    Lantz 2010
Uma Thurman